Thursday, March 5, 2015

Sometimes You Should Just Get Rid of Things


Published 3/5/2015


Dear Readers, I have a serious problem. I’m really, really frugal and I need to cut it out! Frugality in a normal, non-obsessive person is good, but my version of frugality includes eating wilted lettuce and keeping clothes way, waaayyyy too long. I cannot throw things away! The guilt. The incredible guilt! There are starving children in Cambodia and there’s always the chance that I might wear that tattered whatever one more time.

Yesterday during time that I should have been using to write, I decided to continue my quest to revive a discontinued bra at Victoria’s Secret. I decided that I would write them a letter with photo evidence to show them how sincere I was in my resolve. What began in my mind as a charming tale of customer loyalty led me to a pressing question. Why the hell do I still have this barebones bra?! I really think there’s a deeper issue here. This isn’t the first item of clothing I’ve kept longer than I should have, and I highly doubt that it will be the last. Please don’t judge me too much. My damning letter follows. Incidentally, I did get a response from Vickie’s but it did not contain any promises to bring back this forgotten style. Sadness. #VerySexyVPushUPForever 

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I really do love you dearly. I have been a loyal shopper for years and I even went as far as to work at the flagship store in Columbus for a brief time before moving to LA. While employed at VS I bought a Very Sexy V Push Up bra and I loved it! I still love it, but unfortunately, it was 2010 when I purchased it. I paid attention while working at VS and I KNOW I should replace my bras every six to twelve months, but I CANNOT bring myself to part with this perfect brassier. I’ve gotten other bras and as a matter of fact, I never purchase undergarments anywhere else, but as you can see from the pictures I’ve attached, I really need to let this one go. But alas, I cannot!



Please, please, PLEASE consider re-releasing the Very Sexy V Push Up. Please! I refuse to believe that I’m the only person who’s requested this. I know there are similar styles but I need this one!!!!! I have hand-washed and dried flat but the mesh is looking sad. It’s questionable as to whether it actually still supports me or is purely symbolic at this point. I implore you to make this bra again, even if you market it under a different name, or at least tell me that somewhere there is a warehouse or outlet store with a couple of 34As or 32Bs waiting for a good home. I will gladly give them that home! 

(What mine looks like after five years)
(UN. AC. CEPTABLE)


And if you do decide to sell it again I will literally buy at least 12, so there’s that. Seriously please, look at the sad pictures I’ve attached. Please don’t let me go on like this! The Incredible comes close to the V Push Up in comfort, but it is NOT the V Push Up. Tell me there’s hope. I need to retire my five-year-old bra with dignity, but I can’t let it go until I know I can replace it. I really need you guys to start making that bra again. Okay, that’s all.

Sincerely,


Ummm, whoever wrote this letter has problems! I need to get it together. #GetANewBraDummy