Thursday, June 5, 2014

Turn Down for What?

Published 6/5/2014

For those of you who may have been living under a rock, this is a question posed many times in the song of the same name by DJ Snake and Lil Jon. If you haven’t heard the song or you’re over 30 or you just don’t care, “turn down for what” can loosely be translated to “why should I end this revelry? What could be more timely, fulfilling and productive than gyrating and and pouring champagne on models?” Well I don’t know about you all, but I’ve found quite a few things to turn down, and even off for.

A Good Parking Space
People, parking in LA is tough, yes?  Meters, tandem spots, permit zones, street cleaning, crowded neighborhoods- all of these factors make a safe, close parking space tantamount to a golden ticket. Sometimes I consider accepting invitations, but then I remember that I’m literally right in front of my building and I don’t have to go anywhere until Monday so…

Early Call Times
When I was in college it was totally cool to get out of class, maybe study a little and then turn up till about four in the morning.  I would then nap for a couple hours and make it to class by nine. Now I have friends who suggest wild nights on the town and follow with throwaways like “You’re young,” and “Sleep when you’re dead.” Nope, I’ll sleep at eleven, thanks! When I have to be on set or at work or LAX at the crack of dawn, I want to arrive well-rested, not fighting a hangover and sans random pieces of glitter from the night before in my hair. Definitely turning down.

This is pretty self-explanatory.

One could choose to turn up with purple drank,  sizzurp and molly and whatever the hell else kids are calling alcohol and recreational drugs these days, but guys, hello! Wine! Let’s thinks about this: turn down with a nice glass of cabernet sauvignon or turn up with seven or eight shots- I’m going with the former.

Because art and stuff is like, important. Also, museums are the about the only time I can handle being in a crowd. I mean seriously, wouldn’t everyone rather turn to medium and go to LACMA than, I don’t know, turn up at Supper Club? The answer should be yes.

Target (Tar-zhay if you’re fancy) is my jam ya’ll. Sometimes I’m tempted to turn up in a retail sense and go crazy in the mall or with my Amazon wish list. Then I remember that I don’t have any money because, you know, the whole broke actress thing, and I go to Target instead. It’s like “Oh what’s this ‘dollar’ section,” and “they have swimsuits out already?” And then you go around the corner and Target is like “Groceries too, bitch!” And that’s that.

#turn down