Sometimes I have good days, like when I realize I’ve had two auditions in a week and people think I was born in the 90s. Other times, I’m putting duct tape on my car and interviewing for a necessary second, and tragically quintessential waitress job. This past week has unfortunately been made up of the latter. While food and beverage industry servitude is depressing for most, I’ve realized that there are a wealth of scenarios that would darken only the brows of my fellow Hollywood dwellers. Life in perpetually sunny weather can be really hard sometimes, guys.
1) When brunch gets cancelled.
Brunch is important. It is really, really important. Brunch is a magical time when you can eat French toast or a sandwich and drink and no one will judge you. Because this is LA and most people are ambiguously employed, brunch can happen every day of the week. This is amazing. People who cancel brunch plans are horrible human beings.
2) When good shows get cancelled after two seasons or less, while mediocre ones get renewed and picked up for syndication.
Enlightened, Boss, Luck and Dirty Sexy Money were all cut down in their prime, but Glee just got renewed for two more seasons. Two! I shall say no more on the matter.
3) When people who don’t live in LA/work in film comment on Deadline.
Just, why? They’re never accurate or relevant and 90 percent of the time have no working knowledge of the things they’re ranting about. It makes me sad. Please stop it.
4) The death of Roger Ebert.
That man should have his own holiday. I was sufficiently crushed when I heard the news because his reviews and his insight were legendary. I also had the pleasure of (almost) meeting him and he was a delight. He will truly be missed.
5) The realization that box office numbers are life.
The weekend box office, and by extension the American public is unfortunately responsible for the onslaught of franchise reboots and underwhelming sequels. Original content, shmoriginal shmontent- there’s no need for that when people are preordering tickets for The Fast and the Furious 18!
Unfortunately, rabid devotion to the numbers has recently gotten a little out of hand. While reporting on the tragic Boston Marathon bombings, a popular entertainment site which shall remain nameless reported that “The Boston area lockdown is lifted – so tonight’s movie-going should proceed as normal.” This is a new level of crassness. They also previously reported that Boston makes up only one percent of the US market, so lucky them. Heaven forbid the apprehension of terrorists upend the bottom line of a studio. We’re making movies people, not curing cancer.
6) The impending Weird Science remake.
This is self-explanatory. You don’t remake John Hughes movies, you just don’t. The dearth of Hollywood creativity has gone way, way too far when it manages to reach its ugly hand into the cannon of near-perfect 80s teen classics. I shudder at the thought of the casting alone, as I’m sure one of the cast members of Spring Breakers will be thrown into the mix. What’s next, the inevitable dubstep remake of Don’t You Forget About Me? Tears.
7) The traffic caused by the Hollywood Bowl in the summer.
It is the effing worst. No traffic on Highland is ever good, but Hollywood Bowl traffic is an entirely different beast . If you have to enter or exit the valley between seven and midnightish on any day of the week, just be prepared to hate your life. Last year, I made the dreadful mistake of thinking that if I gave myself an extra half hour the night that Barbara Streisand was performing, I could make it to Hollywood and La Brea in a timely fashion. What was I thinking? This is Babs we’re talking about! My twenty minute trip took two hours. Fail.
8) When everyone except you is at Coachella.
I have to admit that before moving to LA I had never even heard of Coachella, but now that I have, it’s on my before-I-hit-thirty-bucket list. I want to drive deep into the desert to listen to bands I’ve never heard of, get trampled by people on shrooms and almost die of dehydration. Why does everyone else get to have all the fun?
So as you can see, life in LA can be really tough and people who live in less perfect climates should be more understanding. We may not have to deal with snow or humidity, but it’s not all beach bonfires and American Apparel rompers folks. We have struggles too.