Sunday, June 17, 2012

Age Ain't Nothing But A Number

Published 6/17/2012


 Or at least that seemed to be the case  the last time I auditioned for an 18-to-play-younger role and no one batted an eye. Unfortunately, it becomes jarringly apparent when I occasionally reveal that I once owned a walkman. Luckily, since moving to LA, I’ve acquired quite a few friends who happen to be a couple years younger than I am, and unlike my peers my own age, they actually stay up past ten and they don’t judge me for not just reading but quoting The Hunger Games.

Alas, every rose has its’ thorn, which I was reminded of the other night when I attended the graduation shindig of one of my youthful compadres. She wisely chose to party  in Pasadena as the Westside was overrun with her fellow UCLA graduates and we would have spent much more time parking than drinking. We started at Kings Row  and as I began to assess the vibe, one of our mutual friends remarked on the bounty of eye candy. I looked around and agreed that there was… if I had been 19! Everybody there looked like they should’ve been Facebook friends with Miley Cyrus.

And this place was filled with the absolute worst kind of children! These were not the bitter, jaded, world-weary 22 year olds of West Hollywood who have grueling assistant jobs and are therefore tolerable. Oh no, these were the frat boys smoking cigars and dressing like Brody Jenner and  the girls wearing skirts shorter than belts, always one drunken stumble away from a Dateline special. Why?! Was I that obnoxious a few years ago? And with this sort of place comes the requisite and unfortunate opposite end of the spectrum: the guys in their 40s trying far too hard to be hip, who remind girls of fathers and uncles, and mistakenly believe that someone in college will be impressed enough by a Mustang to sleep with them. To that I have only to say 1) You’re gross!, and 2) This is LA. You’re going to have to do better than a Mustang if you expect to get some ass based on your vehicle.

In any event, this particular outing came in the midst of my quarter life crisis in which I regularly lament the fact that high school movies are no longer cast the way Grease was, and my chances of playing a 14 year old are slipping further and further away with every day that I fail to book anything of note. After spending a couple hours rolling my eyes at “college kids” I made my escape, but not before regretfully explaining to someone what a rotary dial phone is.  Also I read this (40 Things That Will Make You Feel Old )  and it made me sad.

EVENING SCORECARD:

Venue:  5

Alcohol Situation: 4

Actual Beneficial Networking Achieved: 0

Personal Victory/Dignity Retained: 4

Atmosphere: #winning