Sunday, December 18, 2011

My, How Eager You Look…

Published 12/18/2011
In most career fields eagerness is a good sign. It means you’re ready to hit the ground running, you have fresh ideas to contribute and you’re dedicated to your profession. In Hollywood however, eagerness is the kiss of death, one because fresh ideas are frowned upon, but mostly  because the only people in LA bubbling with optimism are the blissfully ignorant transplants who’ve been here less than a week and have yet to have their souls crushed. They probably spent weeks on end watching Fame until finally deciding to escape whatever dismal flyover state they were living in. Unfortunately,  they had no way of knowing that their hopeful expressions are the very thing that people who are successful, or unsuccessful and therefore exceedingly bitter, will spot as a sign of their west coast naiveté, and  avoid them like the plague. The best way to fit in around here is to look, or actually be very jaded and even more blahze. Remember kids, no matter what time of day  it is, it’s always way, way too early for all  your enthusiasm.
I recently attended the @tempdiaries holiday substitute party at Bar Lubitsch and I planned to network like the dickens. Surely in a gathering of those who are similarly plagued with low level jobs I would find someone who understands my struggle as a broke-ass writer and be moved to all but force their boss to read, option and greenlight  one of my masterfully written screenplays. Good plan right? Nope. Everybody there was way too nice, they were smiling, and they were  eager. The problem is that a party for assistants is well, a party full of assistants. Assistants have no power and their bosses (decision makers and people with money) will definitely not be at a gathering of this nature. So guess who’s  still eating cereal multiple times a day and not flying off to Milan just for the hell of it?
As for Bar Lubitsch on the other hand, I was quite pleased. The space was ample, I found a meter and the comedy was comedic.  After the jokesters left the stage there was a dance party of sorts- I say of sorts because I’m assuming that what was going on in the area designated as a dance floor was in fact dancing. There was a charming young lady who very much resembled Mel from Flight of the Conchords and watching her was like seeing every drunk bridesmaid, awkward cousin and grandmother from every wedding reception I’ve ever been to, rolled into one. It was priceless.
Venue: 4
Alcohol Situation: 4
Actual Beneficial Networking Achieved:0(I did not discover the identity of Temp X, so fail)
Personal Victory/Dignity Retained: 5
Atmosphere: 3


  1. beautiful. Thanks for brightening my humdrum life.

  2. Well if there's one thing your good at its acting glum.